Entry #1

An “innocent” little girl

A young girl lost in the world

Looking for a way to fit in but no one was there

On her first day of school no one seems to care

No one is either there for comfort and care

An innocent little girl

She found herself still alone

An innocent little girl

Will she ever forget the pain and suffering?

She moves away to see if someone would actually care

Entry #2

I was a nice and sweet girl.

I remember when I got a letter saying my friend passed away.

I heard all the wrong things.

I saw her before I left, and now she’s gone

I worried she was hurt.

I thought I couldn’t do anything without her.

But I want to change and I don’t know how to do it without her in my life.

I am too good of a person to be doing badly.

I need to realize it’s time to wake up and do better.

I try to think of other things, but, she won’t go away.

I feel so lost and don’t know what to do.

I forgive the people who did it but I’ll never forget it.

Now I want to change but don’t know how.

I will try to be better

I chose to move on because that’s the best thing.

I dream we will be together once again.

I hope things get better.

I predict I will have a good life.

I know I will go to heaven with her.

I will change.

Entry #3

Something you have to want for yourself

Overcome the “want”, the anger, the habit

Be aware of the struggle, but never give up

Remember what’s important to you and what you wouldn’t want to lose because of your addiction

Imagine the consequences if you continue to use

Expose yourself to new, better friends, habits, and environments

Trust in yourself that you have the ability to be and stay sober

You, It’s your time to change, your future.

Entry #4

Last week was my little sisters eighth birthday.

Where was I? I was incarcerated.

On that Friday, I watched a movie in my unit.

It was a cute little kid movie (Mars Needs Moms Too)

It made me sad because I thought:

I shouldn’t be here; I should be with my little sister spending time with her on her birthday.

Instead I am locked up doing a drug program.

I have 68 more days in here.

Last time in April, I was here for my little brother’s 5^th birthday.

I said it was the last time.

When I get out I promise to spend time with my siblings.

This is the time that they need me most.

In order to change I must be willing to take responsibilities for my actions.

I shouldn’t be here.

I was always a good kid.

I’m willing to change my actions.

And I pray I am successful. 

Entry #5

My Nephew Lewis

So there’s this little boy named Lewis. He’s my nephew who I love and miss so much. He was named after my grandpa after my grandpa had passed away. My baby nephew was my world.  I took care of him everyday like he was my own son. So I really never had a childhood, but then I didn’t care I was just happy I got to spend so much time with him before the worse day ever had occurred. One day I decided to go to school which was a mistake. I kept having bad feelings in my stomach all day when I was at school so I knew something bad was going to happen. When I came home from school later that day my mom told me that my nephew Lewis had got taken away by CPS. I remember I just dropped to my knees and started bawling my eyes out. I thought it was all just a bad nightmare until I realized I wasn’t sleeping. I still miss him and love him so much. I dream of the next time I will be able to see him again.

Entry #6

I used to be a good kid. My mom had a really hard life and when she had my sister we were struggling to survive. I don’t know my father; I never really met him. I guess it’s for the best because he was a bad person. He hurt my mom when she was pregnant with my sister. So we all ran. My Grandma took us in after we covered about 1,500 miles from Oklahoma City to Vancouver, Washington. My mom then raised me to be a good person. I failed her.

I am incarcerated for the third time. I am the person who is tearing my family apart by using drugs, stealing, fighting, and being a disobedient son. It may not sound like much to some of the people I’m locked up with, but it’s enough to make a family member resent you.

When I get out of here, it’s going to be different. No more drugs, no more stealing, and only fighting the bad emotions I’ll have. I’m doing my best to get back in regular school and I’m thankful for the teachers and staff at J.J.C.

Entry #7

I was a person who was in love with doing evil things because of the mind set I had as a kid.

I remember when I would steal things from people and places just for the rush and money for drugs.

I heard that those people were hurt physically and emotionally.

I saw them very hurt in their hearts and watched them struggle financially, but I saw myself grow worse and not even care.

I worried that I had hurt them to the point where they would never change.

I thought of the reasons I did this to them and in my head…”I will never change.”

But I want to change.

I am a good athlete, a father, and I have a good heart.

I think if I did right I could really show people that.

I need to stop doing drugs and fill my life with positive things.

I try to stay away from people and things that will get me into trouble.

I feel disappointed in myself for the mistakes I have made.

I forgive the people I have hurt for hating me because the impression I have shown them is the one I should be judged on.

Now I can change.

I will apologize and regain trust by working hard at doing right.

I choose to have gratitude and be grateful for the things that I have.

I dream that one day I will be able to repay those people and regain their trust.

I hope these people will forgive me one day and see me as a good person.

I predict to take care of my daughter and have a stable home.

I know I can become a man and do these things.

I will change.

Entry #8

The meth, the pills, the weed, the thrills

The days in here go by slow,

The pain in my soul grows,

I feel like I lost everything,

I wish it was all just a dream,

Six months in here with no guarantees

That when I get out of here I’ll be free,

Of this addiction that’s holding me back,

Every day I feel so alone,

Searching for something to hold,

My hopes and dreams are everything,

Someday to succeed will be worth it to me.

Entry #9

Daddies Little Girl

I’m daddies little girl, but for now I’m on my own

It hurts me inside when I think about my home

As I wake up every day in a room just way too small

I miss my dad’s stern voice most of all

While I eat this food, which is not too good

I miss my dad’s voice warning me about the “hood”

Soon enough I will be an adult

Trying my best to get the benefits out of being in a lockdown facility as a result

I’m daddies little girl, with a child of my own

Yet I’m forced to grow up far away from my own home

But when I leave here I have goals set in my mind

I have faith that I can complete them it will only take time

I’m trying real hard to become responsible

Stretching the limits of all that’s capable

Observing my life on a full platter

Trying to put back the pieces I once scattered

Realizing now what really mattered

I’m daddies little girl, that will always be true

Starting off confused not knowing what to do

Maturing into a young lady with a bright future ahead

Realizing now that my life has potential instead

Now correcting the mistakes that I have made

Because I know that it is not too late

I’m daddies little girl, but a woman I shall be

It’s an amazing feeling to have my dad proud of me

Entry #10

It was back in 2009 when I fell in love with football. I never played football; I just knew what it was. All that came to an end when my friend asked me to try out for the junior high football team. After school I went out to the field and was introduced to everyone. We ran drills and did things that had you cramping. I was a little chubby then, but that changed. Days and weeks went by and I felt myself getting used to everything. I went out for defensive tackle. I was pretty good at that time, but I became better. That’s when I started dreaming about becoming someone and taking my family to a better environment. I worked hard every practice and we became junior league champions for the first time. If it wasn’t for football, I wouldn’t have discovered my talent, but I did.

Entry #11

Past to present

I was the person you wanted me to be

I remember the blissful days of existence in the real world

I heard the faint realizations of what my friends thought of me

I saw that everyone is human one way or the other

I thought my grueling actions would not catch up with me

I am what nature portrayed, what God wanted

I think no matter where I go trouble always follows me

Entry #12

My Name

My name is hard dull

Yesterday my name was boring water

Secretly my name is happy hell

My name once was water dead

In my dreams my name is kid of darkness

Entry #13

“Sky Bound”

Racing thoughts,

brain overloading,

total anxiety,

unable to comprehend, like being deaf and dumb.

So many questions and nearly no solutions,
gazing upon the sky like a frog in the bottom of a well,

trying to reach that level of enlightenment,

being able to see this vast world and all its marvels,

but restricted by the walls of the dark void.

Being limited to what can be perceived,

such a queer problem.

Knowledge is one of the only untainted treasures left in this realm,

just so difficult to grasp,

like the sky, seeming so close, but so far away.

Entry # 14

Born Too Small

I was told that when I was born I was smaller than an average baby doll.

I was left in a cage as a broken toy until the hospital finally I woke up and noticed I was alive.

Somehow it seems that I remember all of their faces, their eyes filled with shock like a ghost was present.

I am alive. I am alive.

Entry # 15

“Run the show”

Maybe it’s my ego, but

I’ve always wanted to be in control,

in the driver’s seat,

doing 90 down the freeway.

I hate it when my influence is useless,

a bunch of energetic little hellions,

running rampant ,

and I can’t do anything about it.

I hate that feeling,

the feeling of being inadequate.

No matter how hard I try,

I just can’t take control of the situation.

Sometimes, I just want to backhand one of them,

like pow!

Knock them straight on their ass.

Entry # 16

“The Not-So-Dark Knight.”

I wish I was like Batman,

being able to put on a mask,

and do things I couldn’t do normally,

nobody knowing who I am,

as I work from the shadows.

Some would see me as a nuisance,

and to others,

a champion. 

Being a hero,

 or a villain,

it doesn’t matter to me really.

I know what I’m doing is right,

so I’ll continue on,

disregarding all the Jokers,

Riddlers,

or Two Faces standing before me.

But dude, I’m not wearing tights.

Entry # 17

“The lonely Kilt”

My kilt feels so isolated,

its only friend, a pair of socks,

lives just so far away.

I think about the other kilts and their underwear companions.

My kilt has never known the touch of a 100% cotton pair of undies.

It’s so dark where it lives,

only being able to see the light of day, when lifted for a thrill.

All of them squeal at the thought of a feel.

Oh my lonely kilt. 

Entry # 18

“This is a poem”

Dark-lit days,

sun-kissed nights,

rhythmic wind,

across in the sky,

unrestricted freedom,

everlasting sight.

Entry # 19

No Name

I remember telling you to go to your room

And you slamming the door in my face

When you came out you were happy again

When I wanted you to be, there you were

You always made me laugh and smile

I remember you standing there in the door

Wagging your tail and barking

I will always remember you, Chopper

Entry # 20

Death Beds

Do any of you

in this God forsaken world

ever think that the lives that we all are living right now

could just be our memories flashing by slowly

While we lay there in our death beds?

Entry #21

CHANGE

I was always in trouble.

I remember when I use to behave badly.

AFTER

I behave badly my mom said that I change a lot.

I saw a big change in me, too.

I worried if I am going back to regular school.

I thought I was going to keep behaved bad but, I have change.

I am not dumb.

I think my family is cool.

I need to stop talking in class.

I try to stop talking as much as I could.

I feel nervous some times.

I will be happy.

I choose to be in school still.

I dream that I will go to Disneyland.

I hope to go to college.

I predict that I well have a cool car.

I know I Could Do It.

I Will Change.

Entry #22

The Change

I was a very bad kid when I started going to school   . I was always into trouble

I remember when M… M… hated me I think she still does but I’m not sure! LOL!

I heard lots of things about me

I saw a lot of things,

I worried when I didn’t come to school,

I thought of changing a lot this year,

!!BUT, I WANT TO CHANGE!!

I am a boy that likes N…… a lot! LOL!

I think about how good I’ll do if I change.

I need to come to school every day on time because I need to finish school and get a good job.

I try to get my work completed to get good grades.

I feel like I’m doing good in class this week.

I forgive my mom for not doing good and I really regret this, but I‘m going to do good from now on. I want to get out of here and go back to regular school.

!!Now I can change!!

I will change and do good this year.

I choose to do good at home and at school.

I dream to do good I really need to change I don’t want to get into trouble any more I want to finish school so I can have a really good life. I don’t want to be a bummm!!

I hope to get good grades.

I predict that I’m going to go back to regular school.

I know if I do very good I can do it and go back to school ….!

!!I will change!! The end……..

Entry #23

I was such a precious, smart, active, loving little girl till my life got separated.

I remember when I use to be with my dad and mom, and also my siblings.

I heard bad things about my family like my mom getting time in prison and my dad not coming back.

I saw my mom and dad how their feelings and reactions were back then.

I worried what I was going to do because my mom and dad had left us.

I thought about my life and how I was going to take care of my sibling and show them right and wrong and how they need to be.

But, I want to change.

I am not the person I used to be ever since my mom and dad left.

I think about my family and my siblings and how I need to try and fix things.

I need to straighten out my life and become a better a person.

I try my best to sit and talk to my sibling and try to work things out with them.

I feel lonely when my mom, dad and siblings aren’t with me.

I forgive my dad and mom for doing what they did because I have a deep feeling they will do their best next time.

Now I can change.

I will do whatever I can to get my mom and dad to be here with us.

I choose to make my dreams come true and be prepared for something good to show up in my life.

I dream that my family will be put back together and I can show my best improvements to my family.

I hope one of these days I can get my family back with me.

I predict I can follow my dreams a little at a time.

I know I can do the best I can for my family.

I will change my life.

Entry #24

I was such a precious, smart loving caring little girl till my family got separated.  I remember when I use to be with my family all the time, but I was with my dad all the time.  When I heard things about my mom and dad I felt bad because my family was so close, so when stuff went down, I felt like it was my fault. Now I notice it wasn’t my fault but my parent’s fault for doing something they should’ve never done.  Now I worry about my mom and dad being okay.  But I want to change, and be an example for my younger siblings.  I need to do my best because no one else is there to show my siblings right and wrong. I figure that I’m the oldest so I should do what’s right for my family.  I feel so lonely when I’m by myself because I never felt the way I do today. I always was happy and I always had loved ones around me.  I try my best to be the strongest I can and I try to show my siblings it will be okay and I hate to tell them that our family will come back one day. I don’t know if that’s right or wrong so I hate to tell them that I think about myself and life and how I’m going to fix everything.  Now I need to change and be the person I was before.  I need to do the best I can and graduate and get my diploma and stay out of trouble because if I ever get in trouble I don’t know who would be there for my siblings.  I choose to make my dreams come true and follow my heart to where it takes me.  I dream that my family can come back so I and my siblings can be happy like we use to be.  I hope my mom and dad can come back and show us how things should be.  I predict I can follow my dreams and become a better person.  I know I can do what’s right for me but being young I need my mom and dad to be there for me.  I will change my life.            

Entry #25

The Change

I was always in trouble.

I remember wishing I could live with my mom.

I heard my dad and grandma arguing.

I saw my mom and dad arguing.

I worried about my mom.

I thought I wanted to run away.

But, I want to change.

I am not dumb.

I think my family likes argue.

I need to go to college.

I try to behave as much as I can.

I feel happy but sad some times.

I forgive my dad for hurting me.

Now I can change.

I will behave.

I choose to be smarter.

I dream to go to college.

I hope that I can see my mom.

I predict that my family doesn’t argue.

I know that I can make it.

I will change.

Entry # 26

I was always in trouble.

I remember when all I wanted was a male role model I can look up to.

I heard that my grandma died not too long ago.

I saw my grandma in a casket at her funeral.

I worried how I was going to react about her dying because we were close.

I thought I couldn’t live without my grandma, but I know she wants me to stay focused on school life.

But, I want to change.

I am aware of my surrounding and don’t trust anyone.

I think the world is changing very slowly.

I need to do my work and listen to the teacher more in school.

I try to do better in school and stay out of trouble.

I feel nervous that I might get kicked out of KKEC.

I forgive my dad for not ever being there for me.

Now I can change.

I will do better in school for my mom and my grandma.

I choose to go to school every day.

I dream every night that I got dropped from school.

I hope I am able to graduate.

I predict that I’m going to City College.

I know that when I grow up I’m going to be and do something positive.

I will change.

Entry #27

The Change

I was always in trouble.

I remember when I got in sent to K…. I heard I got kicked out of school.

I saw my mom and dad fighting.

I worried about my brother and my grandma.

I thought my life was going to go down the wrong way.

But, I want to change. I am trying to do well and go back to school.

I think that I will make it out of school.

I need to get out of K….

I try to stay out of trouble.

I feel happy and sad.

I forgive my dad for not been there for me.

Now I can change.

I will change my ways at school. I choose to do well.

I dream to have to have a good job and a good house.

I hope I get out of K....

I predict that I will do well. I know I will do all this stuff.  

I will change.

Entry #28

Grandpa,

You were always there for me through thick and thin

You were not only my grandfather; you were like my best friend.

Grandpa you thought me how to live my life

But I messed up by stabbing some fool with a knife.

Grandpa, I’m sorry I can’t be there but you know life isn’t always going to be fair.

I’m going to try my hardest to be good and get up out of here

Damn, why did the judge have to give me a year?

Grandpa I want you to forgive me for all the wrong I’ve done

I know seeing me locked up isn’t fun.

I love you dad and seeing you happy is what makes me glad.

Entry #29

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME

If you really knew me you would know how much I like to have fun

If you really knew me you wouldn’t judge me just by my appearance

If you really knew me it would be hard for you not to like me

If you really knew me you would know I’m hurt easily

If you really knew me you would know I’m a loving person

If you really knew me you would learn how to love me

If you really knew me then you would know everything I just told you and much, much more….

Entry #30

CHANGE

I was a person who was in love with doing evil things because of the mind set I had as a kid.

I remember when I would steal things from people and places just for the rush and usually money for drugs.

I heard that those people were hurt physically and emotionally.

I saw them very hurt in their hearts and watched them struggle financially but I saw myself grow worse and not even care.

I worried that I had hurt them to the point where they would never change.

I thought of the reasons I did this to them and in my head…”I will never change.”

But I want to change.

I am a good athlete, a father, and I also do have a good heart.

I think if I did right I could really show people that.

I need to stop doing drugs and fulfill my life with positive things.

I try to stay away from people and things that will get me into trouble.

I feel disappointed in myself and for the mistakes I have made.

I forgive the people I have hurt for hating me because the impression I have sown them is the one I should be judged on.

Now I can change.

I will apologize and regain trust by working hard and doing right.

I choose to have gratitude and be greatful for the things that I have.

I dream that one day I will be able to repay those people and regain their trust.

I hope these people will forgive me one day and see me as a good person.

I predict to take care of my daughter and have a stable home.

I know I can become a man and do these things.

I will change.

Entry #31

I was a good kid

I remember when I used to run and play

I heard my friend passed away

I saw it all happen

I worried what was going to happen next

I thought why it couldn’t be me

But I want to change my ways so I will never put myself in that predicament again

I am a smart girl

I think of how I want my life to be

I need to make my grandma happy by becoming someone in life

I try to do the best I can

I feel I’m going to do good once I leave here

I forgive myself and others that have done harm to me

Now I can change my ways and my life around

I will go to medical school when I leave the campus

I choose to change my life around

I dream big

I hope everything I want will come true

I predict that my dreams will come true        

I know I will become someone in life

I will change