Monday, May 14, 2012

Fiction 59

Fiction 59 Stories:
Following is a collection of fictional stories told with exactly 59 words. These stories are from the students of Butte and Fresno County with a couple of teachers participating with their Fiction 59 submittals…

Full Moon Sways
 “Wow, it sure is bright out tonight,” I said smiling.  My eyes continued to gaze upon the moon, its reflection glistening across water.  Watching the moon like this made me somehow feel at peace. “Totally magical, right?” she laughed cheerfully. Grinning softly, I looked up at her, “Yup, It just seems to make the stress in one’s life vanish.”

Cohorts
I rushed, my usual form of arrival, in an attempt to save the environment, no, to save my pocketbook by means of mass transportation.  Scrounging quarters from my backpack, I insert the fare, and scan my various cohorts: too big, too smelly, too loud… just right.  Breathing steadily as sweat beads built, I wondered what ‘just right’ was thinking.

Crazy Day
The day my brother went away to prison. The day was crazy, shocking and hard to believe because we couldn’t understand what the police were going to charge him with. Sad to say, but, the charge was murder. My, mother broke down that’s when all the drinking started it was sad to see her hurting in an ugly way.

Challenges
I took a deep breath, my evil cousin bringing ridiculous thoughts to my brain, “You can’t do it.” I paced myself quietly up and down the white long hallways. With sweat streaming down my face, heart racing rapidly, and my face  cherry red, I walked up to challenge my match that everyone doubted upon me, “Will you marry me?”

School Ugh!
Beep, Beep, Beep. Crap I’m late to school again! Ugh, I hate school! Daily I wake up, get dressed and trudge to school. The same thing every day. “You’re late.” “What’s new?” If you don’t get to school on time you are going to regret it. Now that I’m sitting here in detention, I think I should have listened.

Death
“Why is this happening” the man thinks. “Is this a dream?” he says as he sees soldiers moving around taking men, women, and children and forcing them into the beds of trucks. “Why are they doing this?” They try to take him. He resists. Searing pain, blood gushes out of his leg. He falls. Blinding light. “Am I dead?”

It’s a mistake
As he walks through the dust clouds, bullets are whizzing around him, thinking “Is this wrong or right?” He now feels ashamed about what he’s done, about what he’s been asked to do. He got himself into this. Resentment, wishing this was a dream. Thoughts of all the lifeless faces, wishing this wasn’t happening. Thinking “Why am I here?”



Master Plan
One day an evil villain was planning a master plan. He wanted to steal something big something that people would never forget. He thought and thought day and night to think of a master plan that would be out of sight. One night gazing up at the midnight sky, the plan came to fruition and suddenly the moon disappeared.

Green Rain
Today the sky was all green, and covered with four leaf clovers. I felt like today was going to be full of good luck. So I took my first step outside and realized that the sky began to rain clovers. When the clovers touched me I turned into a Leprechaun and in my hands I held pots of gold.

The Trashcan
Well this was good. It’s not my fault I was broke. Maybe if I turn myself in they’ll let me go with a warning. It beats hiding in this crappy trashcan. Should turn myself in? No you just killed someone. I shouldn’t have used a gun I would have been better off with a knife. I’m sticking with trash can.

Terrified
The sounds keep getting louder. I close my eyes and hope it will stop. I glance at my open door into the darkened hallway, then it stops. I get enough courage to get out of bed. Suddenly, the footsteps continue. I begin to tremble. I step out of bed and turn on the lights. “Silly puppy, you scared me!”

The Star
There was a really pretty girl. She loved to dance and sing, as a child. When she got older the girl became a famous actor. She loved her job and the lifestyle it created for her. But, as the beautiful girl got older her beauty faded away. She retired to Cancun and lived happily with her small dog, Chico.

Potatoes
I am sitting in my English/History class and my teacher Mr. Smith has some potatoes. They are very weird something like I’ve never seen. They have eyes, teeth, and tongues. They are all making very funny faces at me.

My Brother, My Role Model
My brother Marcus inspires me to be the best I can be. Marcus teaches me to never give up on myself or anything I put my mind too. Whenever I need him he is there for me. Out of my whole household he was the first to graduate from high school and then go to college. 

Regrets
As he left the house he had an eerie feeling that death was coming over him. He got in the car, put the key in, but before he turned the key, he thought about his family, his friends, his haters. Recalling his actions the night before, knowing he was a marked man. The explosion could be heard for miles.

The Rock
 I am solid like a rock. I stand my ground and I don’t make a sound. I do hit hard and you will hurt. Don’t test me because I will explode. I have no feeling and no emotion. Myself, I just do not care what people think. You can try to intimidate me but it will not even work.

Part Time Super Hero
My name is Brent.  I am often an undercover superhero. My last name varies on what kind I am in. For my first date I often take women for a flight I love the thrill and to hear them squeal. But if you catch me on a bad day you will see me driving to my job.


Lapse of Memory
I went to my cousin’s house one summer night. I walked two blocks to get to her house. I had a weird feeling on my way there. I didn’t pay much attention to that though. I should’ve known! When I got there her house looked all dead. Damn I had forgotten she had gone out of town for summer.

I got this.
 “Use the force, Luke!” Brian shouted mockingly. “Can it, dumbass! I’m trying to think!” Luke retorted. He grabbed a curved stick off the ground and stuck part of it in the window. It was rainy out and Luke locked the keys in the car.  “Almost got it,” Luke said. His grip on the stick slipped, dropping it inside. “Crap.”

Dogs!
Me and my friend Tom were walking up the street and saw some dogs. So we took off running. Then we got away the first time. The next day we went up the same street and the same dogs cased us. So we took off again and my friend got bit by one but,  I got away… Ha!

The Fear Inside Me
He remembered the time when the fire was burning in his heart: knowing that he needed her to be next to him. Feelings of happiness surround her memory. God, he would give anything to see her again. Just to hear her voice and to see her smile.  Even to have her complain about his attendance would be nice now.

Another Day
It was a nice summer day to lay in the grass, but I did not do so. I was stuck inside with the windows shut. It was a day of mourning but no one was dead. That day something was deeply wrong but I did not know what it was. That day was just another day in my life.
….12:45 P.M
 “Hello and welcome to Black Mesa. All fields are currently in use.” The AI was doing the regular timed conversation as all employees arrived. I was just getting in the door when the power went out again. “Blasted electricity, Freeman go down there and get the lights back on! And don’t forget your handy flak jacket,” my superior bellowed.

Education
She walks down the sidewalk, mindless of her inappropriate behavior, trying to seduce and impress the race they call boys. She spends hours every day preparing her make-up, lifting her skirt a little higher, even though, having regrets; she had to move up the social empire. She waited in the grassy field posing for the man she called “teacher.”

Vampire?
One day I was walking down the street and I met this guy. He was six feet tall and had red eyes. He seemed pretty weird, but I didn’t mind. We ended up walking together and talking about past crimes. I asked if he was thirsty and he gave me an unpleasant look. He said, “I’m thirsty for blood.”

Happily Fired
As leaving the school bus garage, he went to pick up his first student in Beverly Hills, and then proceeded to pick up the rest of the students in Hollywood. While driving to Los Angeles, there was a crash and he stopped to help despite the complaints of the rich.  After comforting one of the victims, he went job hunting.


Brothers in Arms
Walking through the jungle calm as a mantis, bullets are everywhere like flies on shit. Men dropping like flies. “Must keep my cool,” he says over and over to himself. “Retreat,” he hears one of the soldiers say. “You cowards carry on the attack for country.” A bullet ripped though his chest. A blinding white light, brothers in arms.

The Goose Family
Mother goose had six children. Every morning before they woke she would go gather food. As they got up mother goose would have a choice of worms, slugs, beetles, and dragon fly’s. After eating she would take them down to the lake. At the lake they would all have fun with each other swimming, playing and exploring the lake together.

Mystery Meat
As I bit into it, the juices rushed into my mouth. Hot and juicy with a little bit of spiciness. The white meat melted in my mouth as I drank the ice cold liquids and felt the carbs hit the waist. I knew it could be only one thing: delicious, never wanting it to end ever, yummy spicy chicken sandwich. 

In a Comma
The world is burning up. The creatures roamed the streets all day. The survivors hunt at night seeking a way to end their devils rain. At day break the resistance got their weapons for safety. They were getting low on ammo to fight with. The workers who stay behind started to dig a deeper hole to reach the water.

Nonsense?
Everything slows down, down now and the room turns a cool shade of purple. The walls are caving in but it doesn’t matter much because we’re above all this. Now you’re angry with me. “Angers such a stupid emotion,” I think. A smile cracks my lips, you punch me in the face and I burst into a bellowing laugh.

It Was Just A Dream  
Flying higher and higher thinking, “I’m going to die,” looking out the window seeing the sea underneath us.  The alarm erupts as if I hear a voice saying, “We are going down.  Hang on.”  As soon as we hit the ground the plane blew up and then I awoke breathing hard.  It’s time to go to truancy court.

Again
I'm here again: lights glaring, noises blaring, a silence like being alone. All by myself. I look around, my mates are with me. We are together. But do they know, are we really here? I pop another one just to make myself sure. My strap goes on over my head, pick in my hand, I play. I'm almost complete.

Colorful Fruit
There was a girl who ate thirty blueberries and turned purple. She didn’t know what to do! She tried eating apples, she tried eating grapes, she tried eating cherries, and what a mistake! Now she turned blue! Her mom called the doctor but he said “There’s no cure!” Now the poor girl won’t even open her bedroom door. Sad.

Mad Cravings
“Man, I really want a Dutch Bros., but I don’t have any cash,” Adam said disappointed with his hands on his head.
“You could rob a bank,” Steve pointed out.
“Didn’t your cousin do that?” Adam asked.
“Yeah, he got eight years,” Steve said casually.
They both laughed at the thought.
“I really want that damn coffee!”  Adam shouted.  

Mad Man
He’s coming after me. The cage is waiting for me if I’m caught. There he is. I must turn the corner into the ally. People walked by me calling me cute. I see stairs that lead to the subway. There are always stairs.  There he is on the right side of me. Thinking to myself, I need my pills.

Thunder Road
I remember when I was at Thunder Road Rehab in Oakland.  I was only supposed to be there for 30 days.  Back then, it felt like forever.  So I ran away twice and got terminated.  Now I’m locked up here for another 5 months and I can’t run away.  I wish I had just stayed there at Thunder Road.

Moving On
Of all the malarkey I’ve been asked to do, dot my “i’s” beams me from calm to rage within seconds….anything to avoid saying goodbye or to acknowledge I will miss him. 
“Grade me down: Hogwash-bunk-drivel.  Incredulous. I will become Turkish.  I won’t adhere.  I refuse to tittle.  Kiss my diacritic. Watch me dance: Jalapeno, latte, protege, coup d etat. Facade.”

High School
It was a war zone of people talking shit and lying only leading to unresolved issues and fights. The classroom tries to control and fill my mind with useless junk I’ll probably never use. After school I begin wandering the ally next to the school, mindless of my stupidity. The car pulls behind us with sirens, "smoking marijuana."

Chapter 1: The Vortagons Attack!
“Warning!  Warning! Multiple damages to flak jacket, emergency first aid supplied to user.” I awoke with a pounding headache. Only thing I remembered was the ladder collapsing as I was climbing back up. My flak jacket was badly damaged and I didn’t know what to do next. Then I saw it, a head crab: a foul four legged creature.

The Taste of Bacon!
Never in my life have I been so disappointed. I really wanted some bacon. My mom and I made a bet for a couple slices. I was going to win.  I was so sure I was going to win I could almost taste it. My mouth was watering, I was anticipating the day I would eat it. Then I got locked up. Damn it….

The meaning of life
What is life without death and therefore death without life? God knows the wonderful gift of life but we humans throw it aside like a candy wrapper. Yin and Yang together and in harmony. The way us humans were supposed to live. Then humans learned about the forbidden fruit now we can’t stop fighting. Yang regained composer and woke.

Legs
Beads of sweat pour down his face, parched needing and wanting something to drink. His legs had pain as if someone were stabbing him. Roaring with his voice he yelled to the rest of the group, "Hurry, the road is just ahead." The annoying crowded group heard those words of motivation and adrenalin pumped into their legs as well.

The Baseball Game
So I went to an Oakland A’s game with my dad about three years ago. He and I were rooting for the A’s and they were playing the Chicago Cubs. My dad and I were having a great time because we never really had any good quality time together. That was the best time I had with my dad.

Mud Bogging
The trucks covered with mud from tires to roof. Locked hubs and lifted trucks, four feet deep in the mud pit with 48 inch tires sitting on Chevy PUs. The flag goes down and the engines roar. Two big lines of mud shoot up from the back. He started spinning tires and slowing down, but he knew he needed to win.

Victories
Stumbling over the remains with crunching steps and the odor consuming, devouring, taking over my clothes.  Scanning the destruction with an apathetic lens.  I open the charred wooden box.  Miraculously, my bowling medals are unscathed.  The mystery of where I will sleep is, present, but not in the forefront of my mind. I repeat out loud, “bowling medals.” 

Hey You!!!!
“Hey you, yeah you over there!” some jerk said menacingly.  I kept walking but he began to approach.  I had two options:  either go on about my business, or prepare myself for a fight.  This guy was twice my size so I decide to ignore him, but when he pushed me, I lost it.  Now the paramedics have him.

Rolling Out
As he rolled out from underneath the grease, hands covered in blackness, he asked for a half inch to pull out the starter.  “I have things I have to do too,” Nikki replied, handing him the wrench.  He asked “Do you need any help?”  She turned with clicking heels, desperately trying to get the black off her hands. “Asshole.”

The Party
The music is loved and all the girls are hot. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a party but I’m used to the environment. You know I make it live. Strobe lights nearly blinding, but I see the cutest little mama all alone. She seems so far away but she’s focused on me. Now she’s my girl.


Tuesday, February 21, 2012


February, 2012 Blog

Journal #1

What I want to do before I die is go to Stanford College and get a medical degree in Oncology and General Surgery. I want this because my family has often been at the hands of cancer.  I want to specialize in Oncology and perform general surgeries because I want to save lives. I would love being a doctor. I think I would be helping the cause of people who have cancer. I also think people would trust me with their family and I would not let them down as I try my hardest to do what needs to be done. The most recent death in my family due to cancer was my uncle who died of Colon cancer on April 22, 2011 and was laid to rest April 28, 2011. The surgeons said they could not operate on the cancer he had. He is some of the inspiration I have for being an Oncologist.



Journal #2

I was a nice and sweet girl.

I remember when I got a letter saying my friend Destany passed away...

I heard all the wrong things.

I saw her before I left, and now she’s gone

I worried she was hurt.

I thought I couldn’t do anything without her.

But I want to change and I don’t know how to do it without her in my life...

I am too good of a person to be doing badly.

I need to realize it’s time to wake up and do better.

I try to think of other things, but, she won’t go away.

I feel so lost and don’t know what to do.

I forgive the people who did it but I’ll never forget it.

Now I want to change but don’t know how...

I will try to be better…

I chose to move on because that’s the best thing.

I dream we will be together once again.

I hope things get better.

I predict I will have a good life.

I know I will go to heaven with her.

I will change…



Journal #3

 The saddest moment of my life was when my brother died. I was in the sixth grade. When I found out I was dumbfounded and didn’t know what to do. He didn’t live with us but he called everyday to talk to my sister and me. He was only 15 when he died. I found out he died on MySpace (the worst way to find out). He got hit by an on-coming train (even though I don’t believe it). My mom was right there by the train tracks when he died. She saw the whole thing. After I found out I cried my eyes out then took a break then cried some more. He was the best thing that happened to me. His dad was going crazy when he found out because they didn’t let him see his son. If you pass by the train tracks you can still see the dried up blood where he dies from. The thing that made it worse was that my mom didn’t let me go to his funeral. But I learned to let it go. I will never forget his death and how it affected me. I will never let his precious name die out; Stacy.



Journal #4

The sun is hot while I swim in the guilty river. Even in the river, my mouth feels dry as the Grand Canyon in the summer afternoon.  The sun is pelting me with the hot air.  My head is heavy: a burden of love with my golden heart full of character.  The night comes and my head becomes frozen with solid ice. The dead returned while I was attempting to thaw by the campfire under the night sky. I closed my eyes for the last time. I fell into an everlasting sleep to keep myself in balance with my family. I was losing my mind until I rose up and thought of them. As I was walked into the driveway the lights flashed on the door swung open with clean clothes and they saw me.  They looked curiously and asked what I had relinquished. It was my life’s story plus your legacy. They looked on while I gave them the keys. My eyes still permanently closed as I took my final breath.



Journal #5

Hello, I am a drug addict.

I grew up with drugs and alcohol in my life. I had a lot happen to me in my life.

I was in a gang. I was, sexually assaulted and abused. I was kicked out of my parents’ home. I have been hated and rejected by all of my family. I’d been beaten up on several occasions by my parents. I have had a rough life. I am now in juvenile hall and I am in a drug program. This drug program is one of the best things that has happened to me.

I am now reconnected with my family, although not my parents. I have learned how to stop using drugs and gain control of my life, my addiction, and myself. Although I have had a hard life, I had to be locked up to see that I have a problem; I would not trade it for anything. Now I can help others and share my experience so everyone knows what drugs do to you. I wouldn’t change my life because it defines who I am. I am going to finish school and major in psychology. So I just want to say thank you juvenile hall.



Journal #6

The saddest moment in my life was when my brother died. I will never forget the image of seeing blood soaking up his shirt as he lay across my lap dead. I remember screaming not knowing what to do next. A lady and a man began to help me, they got my brother off my lap and laid him down and called the police. I was shaking and crying as I looked at my brother on the ground. The lady called my mom and I took the phone and began screaming. The ambulance arrived and took him away. I looked around and saw all of the people surrounding us and began yelling at them too. My mom and I drove to the hospital and it seemed like hours that we were waiting. Then a nurse came. By then all our family and friends had arrived. I couldn’t tell by the look on her face whether it was going to be good or bad. She walked over to my mom and asked to speak to her privately that was when I knew something had gone wrong. After about 30 seconds my mom comes back with tears rolling down her cheeks and her nose was as red as Rudolph’s. She opened her mouth and said the two words I had hope I wouldn’t hear she said he’s gone. Everyone began crying and I couldn’t breathe. That was the saddest day of my life. There is nothing we can do about my brothers’ death but we do know that we will never forget him. He is forever in our hearts, r.i.p big bro.



Journal #7

The one person or thing I would be willing to die for would be my mom; she means the most to me. I would give my life for her. If somebody held my mom and I at gun point and for some sick reason gave me the choice to die or to have my mom die, I would have him kill me.  That is the best way I can think to say it.  I owe her this.





Journal #8

Inspired

The person who inspired me is a man

He taught us not to say I can’t, but, I can

People come in here for all types of things

People say I failed but what does that mean?

He was on drugs and he was a fiend

But look at him now he fulfilled his dream

So now I wake every morning trying to do my best

Never knowing when I’m going to breathe my last breath

 I want to inspire you to be the best you can be

Because that’s the same thing he taught me

I finally open my eyes now; I can see

Let the truth be told it feels good to be drug free

The man I’m talking about is named Dennis

There you go my masterpiece is finished



Journal #9

Doing What I Do – Mac Dre

All Day Long – Mac Dre

Nothing Correctable – Mac Dre

No Middle Man – J Stalin

You Already Know – Messy Marv



Let’s All Get Down – Mac Dre

One Day at a Time – Mac Dre

Push It – J Stalin

Every Day’s My Birthday – J Stalin

Zestwayz – Andre Nickatina



Journal #10

If I was on the edge of death I would try my hardest to stay alive for my mom. I would fight until I couldn’t fight anymore. I would miss my friends. This is hard to write about. I would live for my family. I would live for my friends. I think I would be missed. If I did die, at least I would be with my dad again.  He passed away when I was 6 or 7. Everyone in my family really misses him and even people I don’t hardly know say that they miss him too. Every time I think of him I start to cry. It’s been hard to go through everything my family and I have gone though. Only a few people really know what I mean. If I could just hear him talk or smell his favorite cologne he wore. If I could only see him one time I would be ready to die. He was my friend and my dad. I was too young to understand what the time he spent with me meant. When I was younger I used to think of killing myself to see him again. When we talked about him I felt like he was right next to me. It just makes me cry but not because I’m scared or hurt. They are tears of happiness.





Journal #11

                       Crystal Meth Was My Mistake

I have made a lot of mistakes

I regret the decisions I have made

My first true mistake was meeting and greeting Crystal Meth with open arms

I was blinded by her evil, due to her skillful charm

Once we came in contact, she never left my side

She found me all the time, even when I tried to hide

Everyone I knew warned me of her tricks

They told me too much of her could make me sick

But I didn’t care what they had to say

And little did they know I was her next prey

I lived life when I was high

I felt no emotion and had no remorse

I didn’t even realize my life went from bad to worse

Once I hit rock bottom I finally opened my eyes, to see everything crystal told me was nothing but lies

She convinced me that life was better with her by my side

Until I came to the conclusion that I would rather die,

Than to continue on with her in my life

I came to see the truth, that I was a victim being used

Sobriety is my new best friend

She will be by my side every step of the way

She can always comfort me by letting me know that everything is going to be ok



Journal #12

The meth, the pills, the weed, the thrills

The days in here go by slow,

The pain in my soul grows,

I feel like I lost everything,

I wish it was all just a dream,

Six months in here with no guarantees

That when I get out of here I’ll be free,

Of this addiction that’s holding me back,

Every day I feel so alone,

Searching for something to hold,

My hopes and dreams are everything,

Someday to succeed will be worth it to me.

Journal #13

My life

I’m in a room that’s filled with silence,

Because of guns and drugs and violence,

That life I lived is now no more,

Like it never was before,

I wish I could go back in time,

And never go commit that crime,

And now I have to face my fears,

But it brings my face a ton of tears,

And even if it made me manly,

It tore apart off of my family,

 So now I have a chance to change,

Or remain a man that’s filled with shame,

 Now as I have grown too see,

What all these bad things have done to me,

 Now I hope you’ll overcome,

And never do what I had done,

Always do what you know is right,

So everything can be alright.



Journal #14

I used to be a good kid. My mom had a really hard life and when she had my sister we were struggling to survive. I don’t know my father; I never really met him. I guess it’s for the best because he was a bad person. He hurt my mom when she was pregnant with my sister. So we all ran. My Grandma took us in after we covered about 1500 miles from Oklahoma City to Vancouver, Washington. My mom then raised me to be a good person. I failed her.

I am incarcerated for the third time. I am the person who is tearing my family apart by using drugs, stealing, fighting, and being a disobedient son. It may not sound like much to some of the people I’m locked up with, but it’s enough to make a family member resent you.

When I get out of here, it’s going to be different. No more drugs, no more stealing, and only fighting the bad emotions I’ll have. I’m doing my best to get back in regular school and I’m thankful for the teachers and staff at J.J.C.



Journal #15

I imagine the early dawn with a cold wind breezing in the horizon of the ocean, the sun reflecting against the water. All you hear is the sound of ocean waves beating against the soft sand, the air would appear a foggy blue with me just awakening from the white silk sheets with the fresh smell of early brewed coffee. Nothing to hear but the ocean and the thoughts in my head of who I once was and who I am now. I am branded with the thoughts of my past.  Though peaceful, I remain frozen in my vortex of regret and shame.  So I sit and drift on the sandy beach and let the wind take my thoughts in an attempt to regain my soul from the beast of depression.  The beast shall pay for my forever inevitable shattered heart.
















Saturday, October 22, 2011

Entry #1

An “innocent” little girl
A young girl lost in the world
Looking for a way to fit in but no one was there
On her first day of school no one seems to care
No one is either there for comfort and care
An innocent little girl
She found herself still alone
An innocent little girl
Will she ever forget the pain and suffering?
She moves away to see if someone would actually care



Entry #2

I was a nice and sweet girl.
I remember when I got a letter saying my friend passed away.
I heard all the wrong things.
I saw her before I left, and now she’s gone
I worried she was hurt.
I thought I couldn’t do anything without her.
But I want to change and I don’t know how to do it without her in my life.
I am too good of a person to be doing badly.
I need to realize it’s time to wake up and do better.
I try to think of other things, but, she won’t go away.
I feel so lost and don’t know what to do.
I forgive the people who did it but I’ll never forget it.
Now I want to change but don’t know how.
I will try to be better
I chose to move on because that’s the best thing.
I dream we will be together once again.
I hope things get better.
I predict I will have a good life.
I know I will go to heaven with her.
I will change.



Entry #3

Something you have to want for yourself
Overcome the “want”, the anger, the habit
Be aware of the struggle, but never give up
Remember what’s important to you and what you wouldn’t want to lose because of your addiction
Imagine the consequences if you continue to use
Expose yourself to new, better friends, habits, and environments
Trust in yourself that you have the ability to be and stay sober
You, It’s your time to change, your future.



Entry #4

Last week was my little sisters eighth birthday.
Where was I? I was incarcerated.
On that Friday, I watched a movie in my unit.
It was a cute little kid movie (Mars Needs Moms Too)
It made me sad because I thought:
I shouldn’t be here; I should be with my little sister spending time with her on her birthday.
Instead I am locked up doing a drug program.
I have 68 more days in here.
Last time in April, I was here for my little brother’s 5th birthday.
I said it was the last time.
When I get out I promise to spend time with my siblings.
This is the time that they need me most.
In order to change I must be willing to take responsibilities for my actions.
I shouldn’t be here.
I was always a good kid.
I’m willing to change my actions.
And I pray I am successful. 



Entry #5

My Nephew Lewis

So there’s this little boy named Lewis. He’s my nephew who I love and miss so much. He was named after my grandpa after my grandpa had passed away. My baby nephew was my world.  I took care of him everyday like he was my own son. So I really never had a childhood, but then I didn’t care I was just happy I got to spend so much time with him before the worse day ever had occurred. One day I decided to go to school which was a mistake. I kept having bad feelings in my stomach all day when I was at school so I knew something bad was going to happen. When I came home from school later that day my mom told me that my nephew Lewis had got taken away by CPS. I remember I just dropped to my knees and started bawling my eyes out. I thought it was all just a bad nightmare until I realized I wasn’t sleeping. I still miss him and love him so much. I dream of the next time I will be able to see him again.



Entry #6

I used to be a good kid. My mom had a really hard life and when she had my sister we were struggling to survive. I don’t know my father; I never really met him. I guess it’s for the best because he was a bad person. He hurt my mom when she was pregnant with my sister. So we all ran. My Grandma took us in after we covered about 1,500 miles from Oklahoma City to Vancouver, Washington. My mom then raised me to be a good person. I failed her.

I am incarcerated for the third time. I am the person who is tearing my family apart by using drugs, stealing, fighting, and being a disobedient son. It may not sound like much to some of the people I’m locked up with, but it’s enough to make a family member resent you.

When I get out of here, it’s going to be different. No more drugs, no more stealing, and only fighting the bad emotions I’ll have. I’m doing my best to get back in regular school and I’m thankful for the teachers and staff at J.J.C.



Entry #7

I was a person who was in love with doing evil things because of the mind set I had as a kid.
I remember when I would steal things from people and places just for the rush and money for drugs.
I heard that those people were hurt physically and emotionally.
I saw them very hurt in their hearts and watched them struggle financially, but I saw myself grow worse and not even care.
I worried that I had hurt them to the point where they would never change.
I thought of the reasons I did this to them and in my head…”I will never change.”
But I want to change.
I am a good athlete, a father, and I have a good heart.
I think if I did right I could really show people that.
I need to stop doing drugs and fill my life with positive things.
I try to stay away from people and things that will get me into trouble.
I feel disappointed in myself for the mistakes I have made.
I forgive the people I have hurt for hating me because the impression I have shown them is the one I should be judged on.
Now I can change.
I will apologize and regain trust by working hard at doing right.
I choose to have gratitude and be grateful for the things that I have.
I dream that one day I will be able to repay those people and regain their trust.
I hope these people will forgive me one day and see me as a good person.
I predict to take care of my daughter and have a stable home.
I know I can become a man and do these things.
I will change.



Entry #8

The meth, the pills, the weed, the thrills

The days in here go by slow,
The pain in my soul grows,
I feel like I lost everything,
I wish it was all just a dream,
Six months in here with no guarantees
That when I get out of here I’ll be free,
Of this addiction that’s holding me back,
Every day I feel so alone,
Searching for something to hold,
My hopes and dreams are everything,
Someday to succeed will be worth it to me.

Entry #9

Daddies Little Girl

I’m daddies little girl, but for now I’m on my own
It hurts me inside when I think about my home
As I wake up every day in a room just way too small
I miss my dad’s stern voice most of all
While I eat this food, which is not too good
I miss my dad’s voice warning me about the “hood”
Soon enough I will be an adult
Trying my best to get the benefits out of being in a lockdown facility as a result
I’m daddies little girl, with a child of my own
Yet I’m forced to grow up far away from my own home
But when I leave here I have goals set in my mind
I have faith that I can complete them it will only take time
I’m trying real hard to become responsible
Stretching the limits of all that’s capable
Observing my life on a full platter
Trying to put back the pieces I once scattered
Realizing now what really mattered
I’m daddies little girl, that will always be true
Starting off confused not knowing what to do
Maturing into a young lady with a bright future ahead
Realizing now that my life has potential instead
Now correcting the mistakes that I have made
Because I know that it is not too late
I’m daddies little girl, but a woman I shall be
It’s an amazing feeling to have my dad proud of me



Entry #10

It was back in 2009 when I fell in love with football. I never played football; I just knew what it was. All that came to an end when my friend asked me to try out for the junior high football team. After school I went out to the field and was introduced to everyone. We ran drills and did things that had you cramping. I was a little chubby then, but that changed. Days and weeks went by and I felt myself getting used to everything. I went out for defensive tackle. I was pretty good at that time, but I became better. That’s when I started dreaming about becoming someone and taking my family to a better environment. I worked hard every practice and we became junior league champions for the first time. If it wasn’t for football, I wouldn’t have discovered my talent, but I did.



Entry #11

Past to present
I was the person you wanted me to be
I remember the blissful days of existence in the real world
I heard the faint realizations of what my friends thought of me
I saw that everyone is human one way or the other
I thought my grueling actions would not catch up with me
I am what nature portrayed, what God wanted
I think no matter where I go trouble always follows me



Entry #12

My Name

My name is hard dull
Yesterday my name was boring water
Secretly my name is happy hell
My name once was water dead
In my dreams my name is kid of darkness



Entry #13

“Sky Bound”

Racing thoughts,
brain overloading,
total anxiety,
unable to comprehend, like being deaf and dumb.
So many questions and nearly no solutions,
gazing upon the sky like a frog in the bottom of a well,
trying to reach that level of enlightenment,
being able to see this vast world and all its marvels,
but restricted by the walls of the dark void.
Being limited to what can be perceived,
such a queer problem.
Knowledge is one of the only untainted treasures left in this realm,
just so difficult to grasp,
like the sky, seeming so close, but so far away.



Entry # 14

Born Too Small

I was told that when I was born I was smaller than an average baby doll.
I was left in a cage as a broken toy until the hospital finally I woke up and noticed I was alive.
Somehow it seems that I remember all of their faces, their eyes filled with shock like a ghost was present.
I am alive. I am alive.



Entry # 15

“Run the show”

Maybe it’s my ego, but
I’ve always wanted to be in control,
in the driver’s seat,
doing 90 down the freeway.
I hate it when my influence is useless,
a bunch of energetic little hellions,
running rampant ,
and I can’t do anything about it.
I hate that feeling,
the feeling of being inadequate.
No matter how hard I try,
I just can’t take control of the situation.
Sometimes, I just want to backhand one of them,
like pow!
Knock them straight on their ass.



Entry # 16

“The Not-So-Dark Knight.”

I wish I was like Batman,
being able to put on a mask,
and do things I couldn’t do normally,
nobody knowing who I am,
as I work from the shadows.
Some would see me as a nuisance,
and to others,
a champion. 
Being a hero,
 or a villain,
it doesn’t matter to me really.
I know what I’m doing is right,
so I’ll continue on,
disregarding all the Jokers,
Riddlers,
or Two Faces standing before me.
But dude, I’m not wearing tights.



Entry # 17

“The lonely Kilt”

My kilt feels so isolated,
its only friend, a pair of socks,
lives just so far away.
I think about the other kilts and their underwear companions.
My kilt has never known the touch of a 100% cotton pair of undies.
It’s so dark where it lives,
only being able to see the light of day, when lifted for a thrill.
All of them squeal at the thought of a feel.
Oh my lonely kilt. 



Entry # 18

“This is a poem”

Dark-lit days,
sun-kissed nights,
rhythmic wind,
across in the sky,
unrestricted freedom,
everlasting sight.



Entry # 19

No Name

I remember telling you to go to your room
And you slamming the door in my face
When you came out you were happy again
When I wanted you to be, there you were
You always made me laugh and smile
I remember you standing there in the door
Wagging your tail and barking
I will always remember you, Chopper



Entry # 20

Death Beds

Do any of you
in this God forsaken world
ever think that the lives that we all are living right now
could just be our memories flashing by slowly
While we lay there in our death beds?



Entry #21

CHANGE





I was always in trouble.
I remember when I use to behave badly.
AFTER
I behave badly my mom said that I change a lot.
I saw a big change in me, too.
I worried if I am going back to regular school.
I thought I was going to keep behaved bad but, I have change.
I am not dumb.
I think my family is cool.
I need to stop talking in class.
I try to stop talking as much as I could.
I feel nervous some times.
I will be happy.
I choose to be in school still.
I dream that I will go to Disneyland.
I hope to go to college.
I predict that I well have a cool car.
I know I Could Do It.
I Will Change.



Entry #22

The Change

I was a very bad kid when I started going to school   . I was always into trouble
I remember when M… M… hated me I think she still does but I’m not sure! LOL!
I heard lots of things about me
I saw a lot of things,
I worried when I didn’t come to school,
I thought of changing a lot this year,
!!BUT, I WANT TO CHANGE!!
I am a boy that likes N…… a lot! LOL!
I think about how good I’ll do if I change.
I need to come to school every day on time because I need to finish school and get a good job.
I try to get my work completed to get good grades.
I feel like I’m doing good in class this week.
I forgive my mom for not doing good and I really regret this, but I‘m going to do good from now on. I want to get out of here and go back to regular school.
!!Now I can change!!
I will change and do good this year.
I choose to do good at home and at school.
I dream to do good I really need to change I don’t want to get into trouble any more I want to finish school so I can have a really good life. I don’t want to be a bummm!!
I hope to get good grades.
I predict that I’m going to go back to regular school.
I know if I do very good I can do it and go back to school ….!
!!I will change!! The end……..



Entry #23

I was such a precious, smart, active, loving little girl till my life got separated.
I remember when I use to be with my dad and mom, and also my siblings.
I heard bad things about my family like my mom getting time in prison and my dad not coming back.
I saw my mom and dad how their feelings and reactions were back then.
I worried what I was going to do because my mom and dad had left us.
I thought about my life and how I was going to take care of my sibling and show them right and wrong and how they need to be.
But, I want to change.
I am not the person I used to be ever since my mom and dad left.
I think about my family and my siblings and how I need to try and fix things.
I need to straighten out my life and become a better a person.
I try my best to sit and talk to my sibling and try to work things out with them.
I feel lonely when my mom, dad and siblings aren’t with me.
I forgive my dad and mom for doing what they did because I have a deep feeling they will do their best next time.
Now I can change.
I will do whatever I can to get my mom and dad to be here with us.
I choose to make my dreams come true and be prepared for something good to show up in my life.
I dream that my family will be put back together and I can show my best improvements to my family.
I hope one of these days I can get my family back with me.
I predict I can follow my dreams a little at a time.
I know I can do the best I can for my family.
I will change my life.



Entry #24

I was such a precious, smart loving caring little girl till my family got separated.  I remember when I use to be with my family all the time, but I was with my dad all the time.  When I heard things about my mom and dad I felt bad because my family was so close, so when stuff went down, I felt like it was my fault. Now I notice it wasn’t my fault but my parent’s fault for doing something they should’ve never done.  Now I worry about my mom and dad being okay.  But I want to change, and be an example for my younger siblings.  I need to do my best because no one else is there to show my siblings right and wrong. I figure that I’m the oldest so I should do what’s right for my family.  I feel so lonely when I’m by myself because I never felt the way I do today. I always was happy and I always had loved ones around me.  I try my best to be the strongest I can and I try to show my siblings it will be okay and I hate to tell them that our family will come back one day. I don’t know if that’s right or wrong so I hate to tell them that I think about myself and life and how I’m going to fix everything.  Now I need to change and be the person I was before.  I need to do the best I can and graduate and get my diploma and stay out of trouble because if I ever get in trouble I don’t know who would be there for my siblings.  I choose to make my dreams come true and follow my heart to where it takes me.  I dream that my family can come back so I and my siblings can be happy like we use to be.  I hope my mom and dad can come back and show us how things should be.  I predict I can follow my dreams and become a better person.  I know I can do what’s right for me but being young I need my mom and dad to be there for me.  I will change my life.            



Entry #25

The Change

I was always in trouble.
I remember wishing I could live with my mom.
I heard my dad and grandma arguing.
I saw my mom and dad arguing.
I worried about my mom.
I thought I wanted to run away.
But, I want to change.
I am not dumb.
I think my family likes argue.
I need to go to college.
I try to behave as much as I can.
I feel happy but sad some times.
I forgive my dad for hurting me.
Now I can change.
I will behave.
I choose to be smarter.
I dream to go to college.
I hope that I can see my mom.
I predict that my family doesn’t argue.
I know that I can make it.
I will change.



Entry # 26

I was always in trouble.
I remember when all I wanted was a male role model I can look up to.
I heard that my grandma died not too long ago.
I saw my grandma in a casket at her funeral.
I worried how I was going to react about her dying because we were close.
I thought I couldn’t live without my grandma, but I know she wants me to stay focused on school life.
But, I want to change.
I am aware of my surrounding and don’t trust anyone.
I think the world is changing very slowly.
I need to do my work and listen to the teacher more in school.
I try to do better in school and stay out of trouble.
I feel nervous that I might get kicked out of KKEC.
I forgive my dad for not ever being there for me.
Now I can change.
I will do better in school for my mom and my grandma.
I choose to go to school every day.
I dream every night that I got dropped from school.
I hope I am able to graduate.
I predict that I’m going to City College.
I know that when I grow up I’m going to be and do something positive.
I will change.



Entry #27

The Change

I was always in trouble.
I remember when I got in sent to K…. I heard I got kicked out of school.
I saw my mom and dad fighting.
I worried about my brother and my grandma.
I thought my life was going to go down the wrong way.
But, I want to change. I am trying to do well and go back to school.
I think that I will make it out of school.
I need to get out of K….
I try to stay out of trouble.
I feel happy and sad.
I forgive my dad for not been there for me.
Now I can change.
I will change my ways at school. I choose to do well.
I dream to have to have a good job and a good house.
I hope I get out of K....
I predict that I will do well. I know I will do all this stuff.  
I will change.



Entry #28

Grandpa,
You were always there for me through thick and thin
You were not only my grandfather; you were like my best friend.
Grandpa you thought me how to live my life
But I messed up by stabbing some fool with a knife.
Grandpa, I’m sorry I can’t be there but you know life isn’t always going to be fair.
I’m going to try my hardest to be good and get up out of here
Damn, why did the judge have to give me a year?
Grandpa I want you to forgive me for all the wrong I’ve done
I know seeing me locked up isn’t fun.
I love you dad and seeing you happy is what makes me glad.



Entry #29

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME

If you really knew me you would know how much I like to have fun
If you really knew me you wouldn’t judge me just by my appearance
If you really knew me it would be hard for you not to like me
If you really knew me you would know I’m hurt easily
If you really knew me you would know I’m a loving person
If you really knew me you would learn how to love me
If you really knew me then you would know everything I just told you and much, much more….



Entry #30

CHANGE

I was a person who was in love with doing evil things because of the mind set I had as a kid.
I remember when I would steal things from people and places just for the rush and usually money for drugs.
I heard that those people were hurt physically and emotionally.
I saw them very hurt in their hearts and watched them struggle financially but I saw myself grow worse and not even care.
I worried that I had hurt them to the point where they would never change.
I thought of the reasons I did this to them and in my head…”I will never change.”
But I want to change.
I am a good athlete, a father, and I also do have a good heart.
I think if I did right I could really show people that.
I need to stop doing drugs and fulfill my life with positive things.
I try to stay away from people and things that will get me into trouble.
I feel disappointed in myself and for the mistakes I have made.
I forgive the people I have hurt for hating me because the impression I have sown them is the one I should be judged on.
Now I can change.
I will apologize and regain trust by working hard and doing right.
I choose to have gratitude and be greatful for the things that I have.
I dream that one day I will be able to repay those people and regain their trust.
I hope these people will forgive me one day and see me as a good person.
I predict to take care of my daughter and have a stable home.
I know I can become a man and do these things.
I will change.



Entry #31

I was a good kid
I remember when I used to run and play
I heard my friend passed away
I saw it all happen
I worried what was going to happen next
I thought why it couldn’t be me
But I want to change my ways so I will never put myself in that predicament again
I am a smart girl
I think of how I want my life to be
I need to make my grandma happy by becoming someone in life
I try to do the best I can
I feel I’m going to do good once I leave here
I forgive myself and others that have done harm to me
Now I can change my ways and my life around
I will go to medical school when I leave the campus
I choose to change my life around
I dream big
I hope everything I want will come true
I predict that my dreams will come true        
I know I will become someone in life
I will change